Dear Family and Friends,
I wanted to share with you part of an email that I sent Jeff earlier today. I have still not recovered from this. I am now at home praying and letting God completely take over with this situation. Once again, I am left feeling numb. God has taken care of each part of the process so far and I must continue to trust Him….I can do no more than that. I beg for you fervent prayers for this child.
Love in Christ,
Michelle
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Dear Jeff,
I need to write about this more as therapy for myself than as communication to you about what happened. Please allow me to do this…it will give you some insight as to what you are about to experience here.
I went to the hospital this morning to make my weekly visit to Crizentina, the little girl who is so severely burned. This morning, the nurse was doing something I had not previously seen them do. She was giving the child “medical treatment” to the burn area. This “medical treatment” included swabbing the oozing, infected burn areas with iodine and hydrogen peroxide. Crizantina’s facial expression and body contortions revealed that she was in pain while the nurse was doing this but each time I looked at her, she smiled. The nurse then took out a pair of scissors and, right in front of me with Crizentina screaming, she began to cut off dry part of the child’s delicate skin. I couldn’t take it. As Crizentina wailed, I fled the room with sobs already beginning. I made it about 15 feet down the hall and I began beating the wall with my clenched fists in frustration. As I slid down the wall into a mere blob with tearing gushing from my face, I felt my life and soul break to pieces. I remembered what I had told you that read to you in a book…”if my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because my life, like bread, can feed many if broken but as a single loaf, it will only feed a lad.” Today, I completely understood that broken feeling. Estie was with me and she too, experienced the same feeling. We walked about 50 ft. into another hall and I was still crying uncontrollably. The more Estie saw me cry, the more she cried. It was such a helpless feeling. The only thing that I knew I could do was pray…and pray I did. Jeff, this is such difficult work. Social work was difficult in the states as well but at least I did not have to concern myself with such medical horrors there.
I continued to cry but I wanted Crizentina to have the candy that I brought her. There was no way that I would allow her to see me cry…her pain was already too great…I didn’t want this child to take on the burden of my tears. So, I sent Estie back in with the candy. Estie told me that Crizantina’s wails had subsided to sniffling. The nurse made a cruel remark that Crizentina was only crying to “show off” when we were in the room (Estie and I thought this comment insane.) She also told Estie that the salaries were so low that even touching abandoned children she be enough to show the children that they love them (yeah, right.) And, that anything medical that they do just means that they are good nurses since there is no one to pay them (both nurses and doctors work on a “tip” system for medical treatment here….if there is no one to tip, then the children don’t receive care.) You can imagine the nightmare that the abandoned children live.
I have been working on the legal process of getting permission from Crizantina’s parents. I met with the equivalent of our child protection system yesterday. They told me that they would help me by making a visit to the parents and explaining that they must give permission or they would be in trouble for collecting “welfare” for this child. When I returned from the office today, while I still had a heavy heart, I called the child protection office again and asked them to please, please hurry. I told them what I witnessed this morning and I began crying again. She assured me that they would try to make a visit right away. Please, please pray about this. I want this child in the states where people really will care about her. I know God wants the suffering of this child to end or He would not have provided the free care in the states. I continue to praise God for the ministry of Drs. Tom and Rhonda Williams.
Basking in the Son,
Michelle
Posted on August 20th, 1998 by Michelle
Filed under: Michelle's Journal