Dear Friends and Family,
I wanted to share with you my journal entry from yesterday. This is tough work. At the moment, all we can do is pray.
Journal entry from 6/17/98:
Whatever you have done to the lest of my brethren, you have done unto me.
I did something today that I have never done before….I prayed for children to die.
I have very few words for what I am feeling right now, mostly tears. I witnessed the horrific reality of what life is for an abandoned child in Romania. I never expected such nauseating truth to reach my nostrils. There is no hope for these children to be released from this facility. Without a past, they are not able to be released to even orphanages. A parent must be known or the birth certificate must be in the file of the child. Without that, a living hell becomes their everyday life.
Deformities that are easily treated in the states, extra fingers, clef palates, curved legs, are curses for these children. Parents place them in garbage dumps, elevators, and other living graves so that they will be rid of the “shame” that such children bring. I could not believe some of the stories that I heard.
The first room that we entered contained three precious lives. One was an eight year old girl with the sweetest, most tender smile. She was severely burned from her waist to her knees. She was in a crib lying naked from the waist down on a sheet facing the window. Open sores covered the burn area. She had not walked since she was burned and her mother has only visited one time in a year. As I stroked her hair, she uttered the words, “Would you like some juice?” I cried internally to save her from seeing my unexplainable tears. That such a soul in need would offer anything to me was a true reflection of Christ. Emilia asked her how long she had been in the hospital and she simply replied, “Long.”
Upon entering one of the rooms, I had to balance myself against a small, antiquated crib. The stench was unbearable. The tiny bodies lay in puddles of urine and feces with no promise of clean sheets. One little girl was reported to be 2 1/2 years old. She was only about 18 inches long and the taunt skin over her frail face resembled that of a tiny monkey. I could not breathe as I stroked her stomach and forehead for fear that I would burst into inconsolable sobbing. She smiled at me and began mimicking the stroking on her stomach. I continued the stroking up to her throat and I could feel her tiny ribs protruding through the diaper that extended from her knees to her neck. I began talking softly to her and she gripped my hand. I could not believe this creature was a human. I prayed silently that God spare her the pain of this life.
The other rooms were filled with babies and toddlers that had diseases which I did not understand. One child had a completely developed body of a three year old and the head of a 3 month old. The nurse explained that her mother drank alcohol the entire pregnancy and thus her congenital deformities. The miniature head contained beautiful green eyes that pleaded with you. I could barely walk towards the child. So many were crying…with no one in sight to hold them. A small infant with a clef palate was wailing to no avail. I caressed his back and began to pick him up but the nurse was ready to leave the room. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I wanted to stay and change every crib sheet and feed every malnourished body. I saw no child that looked healthy. The ones that were strong enough to walk were tied with gauze to the cribs. I tried to untie the tether from one active little tot and he began to shriek for me to stop. I realized why. If he was found to be untied, he would certainly be punished. I did not dare try it again.
Emilia, Dana and I talked for a while about what we could do. I decided that I would volunteer at the hospital at least once a week to help change the sheets and diapers. However, I knew that would never be enough. Opening another facility is not the answer because most children were not eligible to be released because they had no past. What these children need is better care. However, if supplies are given to the hospital, there is no assurance that the children will receive them. Many supplies would probably go the children of the workers.
Then, it came to me. If we began a program that paid Christian Romanian nurses to work in the hospital, the children would get better care and the supplies would go to them. The hospital only had one worker for about 30 babies. This would give the hospital more help and it would not cost them a dime. We would be paying the salary of the nurses. In addition, I have come up with a proposal to use the older kids that are being released from orphanages to go into this facility and care for the abandoned children daily. It will be my prayer that God use me in any way possible to help care for these abandoned children. It is going to take funds to get such a program going. I am sure that Jesus would not want such suffering among anyone and if it is His will, we will be able to get care to these children.
So many children,
So little time,
Why don’t you come back,
And leave this world behind?
Babies that will never
Know how to love?
Why do you allow this
In a world with so much?
The plan that unfolds
Makes only a haze,
I want to understand,
But my mind’s in a daze.
These children are precious,
They’re the reason I’m here,
Please help me to understand,
Make part of this clear.
I want them to know Jesus,
And what His life means,
I pray that they feel Him,
As they rock themselves to sleep.
I called a large Christian foundation yesterday to see about starting the program for nurses. They are meeting on Friday morning to discuss the possibility. Please pray that, if it is God’s will, this program begin immediately.
Basking in the Son,
Michelle
